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Breaking Bad is Bad

I recently tried to watch the show Breaking Bad. I watched about three episodes until I came to realize this hit close too home. I won’t give you the rundown of the show, If you want you can go watch it yourself. The plot pretty much revolves around meth and the making of it.

Meth –

a central nervous system stimulant, C 1 0 H 1 5 N, used clinically in the treatment of narcolepsy, hyperkinesia, and for blood pressure maintenance in hypotensive states: also widely used as an illicit drug.
So in other words, gives you the feeling of not giving shit about anyone or anything that you should. A marriage wrecker, a free pass of not being a parent, spending more time in jail than out in the real world. Finally, digging yourself into a hole so deep that you have no idea how to get yourself out.
This is my ex-husband. He always had substance issues. Mostly pot. Hell smoking a joint together was the foundation of our marriage. However, it became worse as the years rolled on and I grew up and he didn’t. I knew to an extent of what was going on, but taking care of three kids while he was “working” and trying to keep everyone happy blinded me. The signs were all there. Money missing, abuse, lies and etc. I played dumb only because I didn’t want to stir the pot. If I did, I knew that in some way shape or form, it will all be my fault in his eyes. Still to this day, even after four years of being apart. His faults are still blamed on me. Whatever. I have had too many hours of therapy and antidepressants to know now it’s not.
I am writing this because once again this evil “drug” has made me explain to my children, again, where their father will be for the next 9 months. I have to explain to them that he will miss summer, birthdays, their dance recital and mostly, Christmas because he choose to allow. He has not taught them much. The one thing that he has is that drugs are bad. They make you do stupid stuff and not care about what really is important.
I hate him. I hate meth. It didn’t ruin my marriage. That was over before it even began and actually gave the “out” I was praying for. I do hate the fact that it is apart of my children’s lives and leaves them without a father.
I know that my children and myself are not the only ones whose lives have been affected by this. This is just my way of expressing my anger.

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