biggmamakass



I’m Tired

I just finished cleaning my house for the most part. I look out the window and see the grass growing with every keystroke. I pick and choose my battles each day. Today I choose cleaning the house. If I find time by next week, I’ll mow the grass when it’s a foot tall. 

I need a maid, personal assistant or damn, just clone me. I’m tired. I have done EVERYTHING on my own for the past four years. You would think that I would be used to this by now. I am not. Doing everything is tiring. I clean, work, clean, play with the kids, clean, homework, clean, teach, clean, work yet another job and then clean some more. I am busy. This probably explains why I have yet to find a partner. I don’t have time. 

I don’t have time to properly shave my legs anymore. I don’t have time to have a normal conversation with an adult without being interrupted 20 times by one of my kids. “Who are you talking to Mom? Who is that? What are you talking to?” It always seems rushed, I seem distant and annoyed. I just do not even try anymore. 

Speaking of not trying anymore. Remember what I said a second ago about shaving my legs? I couldn’t tell you the last time I actually tried to make myself look descent. I can not remember when I actually tried to do my hair, makeup, contacts, wore something other than jeans and flip flops. That’s sad. I want to wear a dress. I want to put on high heels and feel pretty for a couple of hours. I just don’t have time or the energy. 

Yes, I know, everyone should make time. I am told this all the time. Those people that say that can come over and clean, work, clean, play with the kids, clean, homework, clean, teach, clean, work yet another job and then clean some more for me. Until then, I will look like shit. 

I am done. That was my 15 minutes to myself before picking up the kids, then coming home, finishing up their homework, baths, laundry then bed time. For them and for me. 


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Comments

  1. * Wilson says:

    I know the feeling very well. I don’t know how it is with kids, as I don’t have any, but I do know of not trying anymore. 3:30am and I’m typing a comment to some stranger’s lament and I should be in bed after 12 hours managing a restaurant. Oh well, could be worse. I hope you find the time and energy to try again, tomorrow is a new day and just maybe you’ll catch a break. Maybe me too. Good luck.

    | Reply Posted 9 years, 4 months ago
    • * biggmamakass says:

      Our time is near. We need to except that life moves too fast. We need to slow down and find joy in what we have.

      | Reply Posted 9 years, 4 months ago


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